Paul Graham (@paulg) wrote a fantastic post titled Mean People Fail that has sparked a number of conversations on Twitter. Read it now. Seriously, stop reading this and read @paulg's post.
After reading it, and re-reading it, I had a few thoughts:
- Based on my experience, he is SPOT on. I've worked with or known a handful of REALLY mean people in my life, and so far, every single one of them has "reaped" the reward of being mean to their peers, teams, friends, etc... Nothing good.
- I liked Mark Suster's comment below which seems related/in-response-to this post. Regardless of why he said it, it adds to the discussion on mean people. The below is true, but the way I read Paul's post, he wasn't identifying people who are sometimes mean/etc. We are all mean/rude/angry sometimes. It's more about who the person is the majority of the time. I do agree that there is a lot of nuance here though and people ARE mercurial.
I have seen some our industry's nicest / most helpful people be mean-spirited when cross. Humans are more mercurial than we want to admit
— Mark Suster (@msuster) November 30, 2014 - If you work for or with a mean person, you know it. Be honest. You KNOW if your co-worker or boss or friend (or spouse?!) is a mean person. Based on what I've seen, experienced, and heard, people in such situations feel like they have no option but to continue to engage with the problematic person. But you always have an option. ALWAYS! Work on your exit strategy. It is astounding how much of a difference it can make to no longer work for or with, or to stop hanging out with a person who is genuinely mean.
- Being frank, honest, direct is NOT the same as being mean. If you have a frank/direct conversation with someone and give them directed, clear negative feedback, that is not the same as being mean. You'll know it when you see it. (See this for context)